immortality please rate

[joey]

this curse i
possess, what can it be?
why cant i perrish, i wish to be free
what holds me to these
grounds i do not know
i have fear in my heart i wish not to show
delicately i wish for an
finish
i try to kill my self but my soul wont deminish
why am i trap in this vast cruel
world
i damn the gods for this curse my hate is unfurled
i must kindle my spirit and live
through it all
through light and the dark my soul will not fall
this immortality that people
want so bad
makes me so heartless my life is real sad
so until this curse is lifted off my
soul
live solemly on this earth as the gods made this goal



yo this is
something i just wrote rate me 1-10 please

[xCasperx]

I would have to give you a 6 or 7.
It had feeling but the was just something that was missing. Keep up the good work.

[Floppy]

like a 4 or 5.


:)

[Chick-N-Bone]

6 , the beginning started out weak but it picked up and the end was borderline... kepp writin